“For last year’s words belong to last year’s language and next year’s words await another voice. And to maje an end is to make a beginning.” T.S. Elliot.
Following my intention of being kind to myself, I must say that my 2019 intentions slash goals did not go that bad. 2019 was a year of self discovery and reparenting myself with the help of psychological therapy, medication, books, support from my boyfriend and friends, and several Instagram accounts that guided and supported me with their content and positivity.
Some things worked and some didn’t and I’m okay with that because I kept learning about myself. I spent the year experiencing the things that added worth to my life and learning to let go those that doesn’t.
2019 goals and intentions
Here are my ten 2019 goals and how it went with each one of them:
Learn and improve new and existing skills throughout the year– Used podcasts practice languages and learned drawing skills on YouTube and Skillshare. Through the year I kept reading here and there about drawing techniques and watching tutorials but nothing significant. I didn’t make it a priority.
Finish my 2018 reading list by June– Nope. I just finished 1-2 books and ended up getting other books that I was actually able to devour. I decided that I won’t force myself through a book that is giving me a hard time. Not anymore. I just didn’t feel in the mood for reading. Actually I had a hard time concentrating for reading any book (except for The Testaments which I devoured in three days).
Pay off my Master Card by June– I paid off my Master Card. It took longer but I paid it off.
Complete at least 2-4 creative projects– I have worked consistently and up to date in my Life Book, One Little Word, Just Write journal and completed the December Daily project.
Complete at least 2-4 home projects– I just completed my kitchen organization project. I organized my kitchen cabinets and, although they are not Pinterest worthy, I am pretty satisfied with the outcome. And the goal was met because I now have a significantly more organized kitchen.
The apartment painting did not happen because we didn’t make it a priority.
Walk for 20 minutes at least three times per week– This did not happen at all. I can count with my fingers the times I exercised. I just can’t get myself to exercise and this is something I would like to improve next year, not drastically or through extreme methods, but definitely I need to welcome healthier habits and nourish my body with foods that are good for it.
Spend only 30 minutes on social media per day– I reduced my screen time by 50%. Not bad at all!
Write at least 300 words 4-5 days per week– I wrote every day. Not 300 words all the time, but I wrote ever fucking day!
Establish morning/evening routines when possible and while embracing plan changes– As soon as I started my anxiety medication in August my weekdays became more regular. My anxiety and depression were causing me to sleep in excess. But now I am getting my early mornings back and I am freaking proud!
Keep in touch more with my loved ones– This is somehow one of the hardest thing to make happen (second to exercising). I have spent more time with my older brother which makes me very happy, but I barely saw my friends or any other family member. Sometimes I feel that I should feel lime a terrible person for not meeting my loved ones on a regular basis. Other times I feel okay with that.
Regarding specifically to my 2019 memory keeping/creative projects here’s an overview of what worked and what didn’t:
Life Book– 2019 was my 9th year documenting my life on a regular basis and was my first non pocket page styled album,my first year doing portrait 8×10, my first time doing monthly and my first time documenting my stories in Spanish. I completed my whole album (240 pages) by the first week of January 2020 and I feel more than happy and proud and satisfied. I played with a variety of styles and layouts throughout the year which has been the only turn off with this project (because it doesn’t look uniform and cohesive), but trying different things lead me to what I am going to try this year.
One Little Word– This was my first year choosing a word and registering in Ali Edwards workshop. OLW surprised me greatly both because the meaning that. My word ended having and because this is the first time that I complete a yearlong side project.
Commonplace Book– I quit this project before it even started but kept thinking about how I could make it work in the future.
Spain travel photo book– I worked on this at a slow pace and just need to do a spell check and order my copy.
Blog– I wrote a couple of posts here mostly about memory keeping and documented my One Little Word journey. This blog is just for fun and I’m pretty sure no one reads any of this. But it feels good to think that I am putting myself into the world through this little space on the Internet.
Treasures journal– I started drawing my thought and feelings with pens and coloring pencils in a 5×5 sketchbook that I love very much. I worked on this just when I felt inspired and ended up with a couple of drawings by the end of the year. I keep a list of possible drawing themes to continue creating and making my thoughts visible.
Mixed media journal– I created one page and felt that it wasn’t for me at least not at this moment. Might try again in the future.
Just write– I subscribed to these Ali Edwards writing prompts when she launched the subscriptionde and wrote about them in a weekly basis until the year ended. I focused on the writing and chose just one photo for each prompt. Will print later as a 6×9 book.
Designing my own planner– I didn’t prioritize to learn to use InDesign hence designing my own planner didn’t become a reality.
December Daily– Oh December Daily… I ended up traumatized because I set my expectations too high. Not about the project itself but about the Christmas activities I said I would do to put in the album. I was pretty satisfied with the creative process and the products I used were really pretty. I even completed the whole thing right after Christmas Day. But this is something I don’t see myself doing again. Although we have adopted some of the American traditions, my Christmas activities are not that wow to have a separate album for them. I worked for most of the days and the majority of my Christmas related activities (such as shopping and wrapping) happened the last couple of days before Christmas. I meant to create my own traditions and I did some things for the first time and I’ll have to see if I repeat them in the upcoming years. But the feelings of guilt and inadequacy left me not wanting to do a Christmas focused album ever again.
Things I feel proud of
Here are a few little things that made me proud this year and that are worth sharing:
- I bought a car (after making myself believe that I couldn’t afford it, I bought a nicer car!).
- We adopted a dog that we love and we are crazy about (but I still miss Azul ever day!).
- I decided to look for professional help.
- I finally understood that other people’s perception of me is not my responsibility.
- We decorated our apartment for Christmas (I’ve never decorated for real before since I live on my own).
- I chose to stay alive.
Ending the year with a grateful heart
One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned this year is to be realistic when I make any kind of plans and to be kind and considerate with myself. This often comes accompanied by the practice of establishing what’s enough for me. My wellbeing and sanity are more important than trying to do everything (especially when I want to do things just because everybody else is doing them). 2019 was a great year in many ways. It was a year of answers and I feel extremely grateful for that as well as hopeful and excited for the year to come.