The second half of the year has officially started and the end of 2019 seems closer every day to me. In June, when I made my mid year assessment (as part of the OLW prompt), I noticed that my year has been filled more with excuses than with action (as I had promised myself when I wrote my 2019 intentions back in December). While I told myself not to feel guilty, it was inevitable at times.
I finally made a great step this month by looking for professional help to talk about my mood swings, my inability to control my emotions, my anxiety, my unexplained fatigue (both physical and mental), my laziness and my perpetual sadness. Right in the middle of one of the firsts therapy sessions she told me: “You want to do so many things but your brain needs fuel. It’s no use simply wanting to do things if your brain has no fuel”.
There I understood (I already knew this but now it has been officially validated by a mental health professional) that I needed to cultivate my mental wellbeing first before taking care of everything else (including those creative projects that make me very happy). I promised myself at the beginning of the month to restart my planning and my projects and everything I’ve been wanting to do but I needed up thinking about my therapist’s words and how my mental health has been (the main) responsible for my compulsion of boycotting myself in every single thing I want to achieve.
For July we were assigned to create collages or painted cards with messages that we needed to hear. I used Procreate to “paint” my cards with a mix of “handwritten” and typed messages and also included a “from where I stand photo” with “painted” and digital elements from the OLW kit.
Ways this prompt helped me to connect with my word
What helped me the most to connect with CULTIVATE this month was the reflection. It is something I decided to make at the end of each month (it is not necessarily part of the assignment). I was able to express why it has been so hard to cultivate things this year. It was an opportunity to forgive myself for not doing as I promised when I wrote down my intentions for this year and for this word.
What I loved
I loved the chance of using Procreate to complete this prompt. It is a great tool to make possible completing prompts that require me to create handmade stuff. In general, I loved combining colors and handwritten words with typed words. I had fun creating the photo page.
What I didn’t love
I don’t like very artsy assignments for this project (or collages) but I try to give myself the chance of completing them and see what happens. I am not a fan of self pep talk either so it was a little awkward finding what to say to myself.
You can read about my other OLW 2019 pages here.
One Little Word is a year long project started by the awesome Ali Edwards in 2006 where she choses a word to focus on, meditate, and reflect on throughout the year.